dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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