Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
drinking out of a sandbucket again
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
