This is not my ceiling
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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