I think I just saw someone hide a body.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
