My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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