my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Shame is for Republicans.
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