so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
