I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
