Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
