She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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