So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
