When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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