so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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