i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Randomize
