You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
