just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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