he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize