i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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