This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
