genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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