girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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