alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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