I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Panties = found
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
