some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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