i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
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Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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