ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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