I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
