he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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