OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
