wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
