I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
