Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
