I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There's always time for handjobs
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
