I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
