how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I could make wine with my vomit
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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