We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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