I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
