My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Success! We fucked roommates!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
