Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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