I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
