Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
