The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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