i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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