Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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