After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
