I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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