I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
