Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
