worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
