Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's never too late to be topless.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
