You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
