dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
