you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
