Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
