I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
