Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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