This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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