Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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