Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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