If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
