A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
