What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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