I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I need a beard to bite.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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