giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
