Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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