Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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