a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
