DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
