you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Bring me that man meat
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
