My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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