I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
