3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
