The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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