I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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