apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
