Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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