you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Jerry, you need to find god
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
