Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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