I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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